Not happy, jan.

Right. It's time for a bit of a rant. I need to write some stuff and get it off my chest.

I am really not happy in Simeulue at the moment. I think I'm still experiencing post-holiday depression! I feel really restless and bored. My housemates are older and not go-do-stuff people, they just hang out in the house or at work all the time.

It's so frustrating that my laptop got stolen because the admin password is IT-known only, so I can't install anything on my computer (ie skype, or music downloading programs), or set up my computer the way I want it. I lost all my downloaded music (which believes me takes a long time!) and only realised this week that I also lost all of my work photos from 2008. Eight months worth. That really got me down. I had lots of good memories and evidence of my work, which is now gone. I thought I'd backed them all up on CD (the rest I've got) but that one in particular didn't work. I thought I'd checked it too.

There is no way we'll finish by the end of the year, when the project is supposed to be completed. Plus confusion with my budget means I might actually go over the allocated amount.

My new boss is hard in there changing all the screwed up procedures that have been wrong for a long time. But it feels like a criticism of my work, and it's hard not to feel defensive. It also makes me feel totally inept at my job, which I think is what's getting me down the most. I feel so inadequate (as I should, not being an engineer), and people keep assuring me that it's because I was put in a situation with no support or development of my skills. But it doesn't stop me from feeling under pressure and totally stupid most of the time. I'm feeling more and more like just quitting now. But I have to keep going! I'd kick myself if I didn't.

My boss wants my staff and I based in the field 100% of the time now, so we're making a transition to that, which involves a new office and more time coming and going by road, which is tiring. Plus we don't have internet access unless we drive up the road 20 mins and 'borrow' the wireless from Japanese RC, which is a bit annoying too. My only female staff member has been away a lot because she suffered a miscarriage on her first pregnancy.

Because it's Ramadhan, there's not even tennis being played to drag me out of work and get some exercise.

But there's always good news. 2 of my field staff's wives just had babies - one had a boy this morning - so that's good news. And I have the Idul Fitri (end of Ramadhan) holiday to look forward to - starting on Saturday. I am going to Medan and then trekking in Gunung Leuser national park. Then my friends Penny and Ian from Canberra are coming to Medan on the weekend of the 3rd, so I'm looking forward to catching up with them.

I booked flights to Europe the other day for my friends' wedding in Scotland on Dec 13. My boss very generously allowed me to have 8 days leave, which gives me 3 weeks in Dec to spend with friends. I looked seriously into coming home as well, but it meant a lot of flying, plus about $1500 extra costs, which was just too much. As long as I'm with friends, I'm happy. Last year it was just my boss and I in Medan, and I didn't really enjoy it. I'll have an Aussie Xmas next year.

So I hope this depression will pass. But at the moment, in February, Australia here I come!

Sorry for my ranting... I'll make sure I'm happy when I write next!