Saturday, June 14, 2008

Musings after being back for 3 days

Gawd, that holiday was much needed.. I didn't realise how stressed out and tired I was. This place had become a nightmare, and still is to a certain extent. I put my foot in it the other day by leaking a personal opinion to one of my now-resigned staff about another previous staff. So she went straight to this person with the text, and she then confronted me about it by sms, directly asking if I had sms that information... I didn't respond so she wrote an email to the country manager and tsunami operations manager. Serves me right for trusting one of my staff. Only myself to blame. I would love to slap some people around here. Anyway.

My Indonesian is coming along pretty well now after hte language course, which is cool - i could actually understand half of what my field staff were saying yesterday! It's made a big difference, I dont' know why they don't make it mandatory for staff to spend at least 2 weeks learning the language of the country they're posted to - I think a month's intensive language course would be perfect.

If I go back to my question about 'what next', well it's hard to say. If you compare working with ICRC vs a National Red Cross Society, based on this experience I'd say ICRC for sure. ARC's operation here is a bit of a balls-up. Probably something to do with the fact that they have no experience in running a big project like this tsunami business, and have gone in like a bull-at-a-gate and fucked a whole bunch of things up. I've got a lot of criticisms of the organisation, and I've even said in the past that I wouldn't work for them again.

That said, I think it has a lot to do with the location, the nature of the national staff in this office, and the people involved in management here - I put it down to judgement on a case-by-case basis. I would think that working in a different place would have a totally different set of people and circumstances, which would change my views of working for ARC.

I guess while ICRC has its negatives (ie its a big bureaucratic organisation with the usual frustrating red tape!), I would say overall that they are the best in terms of the RC movement. At least their policies are well established and you know exactly what you can/can't do - unlike ARC whose policies are all over the shop and not even developed properly. Plus they are good at what they do, and a lot more professional.

Bilateral (ie 2 Red Cross societies working together) projects are always a bit tricky, because you get so frustrated working with the national society of the country you're in due to their lack of capacity. Still, you just keep doing your work and hope that when you leave they'll actually do what they entrusted to - although I won't hold my breath in this case! (same for Liberian NRCS!)

So, I'm still trying to decide on whether to stay here in Simeulue and finish the project (ie extend my contract). At the moment this place sux, but with new staff and once the project gets rolling again I'm hoping things will be a lot better. And I do like the idea of seeing the project out to the end... but who knows how long that will drag on for. But, things are starting to happen. We should have two new engineers in a couple of weeks, and we are finally getting somewhere with pesky material ordering and delivery. Our manufacturer of septics arrived in Salang this week to set up for on-site production, which will be a lot faster and much cheaper.

Still, ARC would have to offer me something pretty good to stay – for example, and most importantly, a more decent salary!! They would also have to agree to my taking a month’s holiday to go travelling with my sis and two mates from Australia in August. I wouldn’t mind my allowed 2nd week of the language course either.

But I do want to go home, espcially after speaking to my nanna this morning - mum & dad have just put her into an old folks' home and she's been seriously ill recently. I don't know how much longer she'll be around for - and I want to spend as much time as I can with her before the inevitable... gawd I haven't cried for a while, I think that coupled with the all stress of dealing with self-involved, backstabbing, corrupt staff here it's all become a bit much.

Anyway. There are still some good people here in the office, plus a few remaining expats who make life loads of fun, plus with a couple of relatively newly-arrived Germans that like to get out and do things (including having just bought a boat, so we can cruise around to nearby islands), this place will be fine to stay longer. If I do stay, I don't know if I would extend past Xmas... but I would prob have to extend for 6 months which would make it til end Jan. Maybe home for my birthday?

My mind changes by the day. At the moment, I'm fucking outta here on the 7th August.

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